Why is Coming Back From a Break So Hard?

Welcome to The Modern Editor Podcast, where we talk about all things editing and what it’s like to run an editorial business in today’s world. I’m your host, Tara Whitaker. Let’s get to it.

Hello there. Welcome to today’s episode. I’m going to be talking about something that might be a little familiar to you if you’ve been a regular listener of the podcast.

Because I’ve done two episodes about taking breaks as business owners, and now today I’m gonna make it a third episode. So those first two episodes I mentioned were episode 33, which was how to take time off as a freelancer, and episode 42, which was why is it so tough to take breaks. 

I recently came back from a six-day vacation, and I had one heck of a time getting back into the swing of things.

So today we’re gonna add to the series and talk about what can happen after you take a break that you might not expect, and some ways that you can sort of work through them. So let’s just dive right in.

My husband and I took a six-day vacation to Mendocino, California, to go to the Murder, She Wrote Festival. It was incredible, amazing, bucket list, like all the positive adjectives. We had an amazing, relaxing, just ugh, just beautiful time. We were in the redwoods. We walked along the bluffs. I just, it was so great.

I didn’t work at all. I didn’t check social media. I didn’t check my work email. I did what I said I was going to do, and I took a full-on break.

I did everything quote right leading up to the vacation too. I got all my work done, I told all my editing clients and FEC members and coaching clients I’d be outta the office. I blocked out time after I came back to ease into things. And with all of that prep work, I struggled for a good two weeks after we got back, and I struggled hard.

And at first I couldn’t figure out what the heck was wrong with me. Like, you just took a vacation, Tara, what is your problem? So what I have been doing lately is journaling. So I started journaling on it, and here is what I came up with, which is what we’re gonna talk about. And I’m sharing this with you because if you have a break coming up, doesn’t have to be six days, can be any timeframe, it’ll hopefully make you aware of some of the things that can crop up that you might not expect, which I did not.

So the first thing I realized was that I was really upset when the vacation was over, like crying upset. Real talk, the night before we left Mendocino, we were eating dinner at the restaurant and at the end, I had a panic attack and I had to go back to the room.

And looking back on it, I thought it might’ve been because I’m not a good flyer. I was anxious about that, but I think honestly it was about being done with the vacation and being sad that it was over with. It was the first vacation we’d taken without kids since having kids. We put a lot of work ahead of time to make sure things ran smoothly with them at home.

You know, we had months to plan for this trip and we had a long time to get excited, stay excited, and the anticipation, and you know, they say like the anticipation of a trip is almost as good as, or maybe as good as the actual trip. I totally get that.

So when we got back and it was all done and it was back to normal life, I had the biggest vacation hangover. Like what is there to look forward to now? Which sounds a little bleak, but I was bummed. And like I said, while the vacation was incredible, all the good things, it was a lot of work beforehand and it was also bookended by very long travel days.

We had to fly to San Francisco, then we had to drive to Mendocino, which is four-ish hours in the hills, which I’m in, you know, I’m from the Midwest. We do flat. I was driving because had I not been driving, I would’ve been vomiting everywhere from being carsick. Though that drive is not for the faint of heart. So it, I mean, we were gone six days, but two of those days were traveling. So part of me was like, Ugh, I don’t have the energy to plan another huge trip, and is that gonna be the only trip we ever go on?

Because it was so much work and dah, dah, dah, dah, and you know, catastrophizing kind of. But then the other part of me was like, I need to plan another trip immediately. I need something to look forward to. I haven’t had something to look forward to like that in so long.

So what we ended up doing after the journaling and stuff, my husband and I sat down and we acknowledged all the work we put into it. Recognized it was totally worth it for us at the time, and then decided our next trip, whenever that happens, ’cause you know, things are happening, it’s gonna be close to a major airport. We’re not gonna be driving after we get there unless it’s a very short ride. So just being able to accept the feelings, the downer feelings, note what we would do differently in the future, and then have just the—what do I even wanna say? The space to start thinking about another trip helped get over that hangover.

Not gonna say it totally cured it, but it helped for sure. But I was sad for a few weeks. I definitely was. And part of that, too, was the second thing I realized is that there are some work tasks that I have on my plate that I was hardcore avoiding when I got back.

At first, I thought, well, yeah, Tara, you just got back from a vacation. You don’t wanna get back to work. Even though you love your job, you know, you still don’t wanna work. You wanna be on the ocean and you know, in nature and all of that. So I just kind of wrote it off a bit, but then like after a week of not doing these tasks, I was like, oh, I think it might be more than that.

These were tasks I came to realize that I personally don’t have to do in my business. That I can delegate to someone else without it impacting, you know, how I serve my clients, how I interact with people, or how I present myself. That’s the problem. And I don’t know if I would’ve had that headspace or that clarity had I not stepped away from it for almost a week, and then been able to come back to it with fresh eyes.

So now I have a list of those things that I’m going to be handing off hopefully in the very near future, which will then free me up to do other things that only I can do, like record podcast episodes, and edit, and coach, and all the things.

The third thing I realized, and this was a doozy, was that the mental load that I carry on a daily basis is far larger than I ever thought. You know? Yes. I have two small kids, I run a business, I have a husband, I have a house, we volunteer, like all this stuff.

So of course there’s a lot, but when we were prepping to leave, we had to info dump all of the stuff that the kids need so that the grandparents knew what to do, like who needed to be where and when, what do they eat and what activity was where, and the addresses and the phone numbers and the like, and where things were in the house even.

It was astonishing to see all of that down on paper ’cause it’s just all in your head, right? No matter what you do, whether it’s kids or things in your business, everything is in your head. But when you actually write it down or type it out or whatever, it is wild to see how much it is, which is also another vote for having SOPs and procedures for your business, even if it’s just you ’cause it needs to be somewhere else other than just your head.

So that was a real light-bulb moment for me of, holy crap, this is a lot, and this is just the day-to-day kid stuff. This is not the extras. This had nothing to do with doctor and dental appointments or birthday parties and getting gifts or playdates or anything else with the kids.

This wasn’t my own stuff, my own health. This wasn’t the house, this wasn’t family, this wasn’t business. This was just the kids. I’m like, no wonder I’m freaking exhausted all the time. What this made me do is start really analyzing my to-do list and what I do every day and what needs to happen every day in our house and what can be tweaked, deleted, delegated, all the things.

And I don’t wanna say I’m not good at that because I have gotten much better at figuring out what has to be done and what would be nice to have done ’cause I just can’t do everything in a day. Like there’s just not enough time. And then it comes back to, well, is there not enough time?

Is it ’cause I have too many things that I’m doing that I shouldn’t be doing all the things? But this vacation has really made me get ruthless with how I’m spending my time, which is also due to the fact that I’m reading the book 4,000 Weeks. Highly recommend. If you get my newsletter, you know what I’m talking about.

But we only have so much time. It’s the nonrenewable resource. We don’t get it back. Do I wanna be spending my time doing these minutiae BS things, or do I wanna be doing something else? This is a work in progress. It’s not something that I don’t know will ever be done, so to speak.

But school is out soon here, summer routines start, and I think it’s gonna free up hopefully some time. I’m gonna write down everything I do in a day and I’m gonna get very, very ruthless with what I’m doing with not only the business, but personal stuff too. So thank you, vacation, for giving me that friendly reminder.

And maybe you need that reminder too. If you need to do a time audit to figure out if you’re doing the things you should quote should be doing, the things only you can do in your business. Can you delegate? Can you push off? What can you do to kind of alleviate some of that burden? And at the end of the day, also realizing that for a lot of us, we do just have a ton of stuff to do.

I mean, I can’t be like, well, you know, these like yearly physicals and two times a year dentists, it’s just too much work. We’re just gonna skip those. Yeah, we’re not doing that. Those are important, but what else is there that can maybe be pulled back on?

So there’s my post-vacation wrap up. Who knew that by taking a vacation, I’d come home and have to work through all these other emotions and things?

You know, they’re all valid. And all of these revelations were very eye-opening, and they honestly probably wouldn’t have happened had I not taken that break in the first place. And I don’t know if it was because it was a six-day break. It probably helped, especially because it was—I think our honeymoon was six days, and then this was six days.

We’ve never taken a seven-day vacation, but I think even one or two days of just relaxation and all of that would’ve probably produced similar results. So any margin or white space you can give yourself in your brain can make you realize all sorts of things.

And don’t get me wrong, like I am not gonna say you should be taking full vacations all the time. I mean, if you can, fantastic. If you can take an hour, take two hours, take an evening, whatever you can get where you just allow yourself to not think about the things you have to think about and see what pops up. You never know. It could prepare you for when you do take that longer break. Who knows what will come up. Who knows.

So until next time, keep learning, keep growing, and just remember your emotions, however random and possibly ill-timed, are all super valid and super helpful.

Thank you so much for tuning in to today’s episode. If you enjoy The Modern Editor Podcast, I would be so grateful if you left us a review over on iTunes. And as always, you can head to TaraWhitaker.com to connect with me and stay in touch. We’ll chat again soon.