When Comparison Helps and When It Hurts

Welcome to The Modern Editor Podcast, where we talk about all things editing and what it’s like to run an editorial business in today’s world. I’m your host, Tara Whitaker. Let’s get to it.

Hello. Hello. Thank you for tuning in today. So, I actually had something else planned to talk about for this episode. But then something happened, and I figured it’d be a good time to chat with you about it, even if it kind of messed up my schedule. But that’s okay, because I’m the boss, right? 

And what we’re going to talk about today is comparison. Now, I know we have all compared ourselves to someone else at least once in our lives. For me, it has been countless times, and it can be both a positive thing and a not-so-positive thing. So today we’re going to talk about both sides and how comparing yourself to others can help you, but it can also hurt you, and to know when and how to do it. So, we’re just going to jump right in.

I’m going to start by sharing what happened that prompted me to talk about comparison with you today. So if you’ve listened to any of my past few episodes, you are probably very well aware by now that I have been slowly recovering from burnout for what feels like the past, I don’t know, eleventy billion years.

And for me, and I’m sure for many of you out there listening, when you’re burned out, you are not in the best headspace. And you’re not exactly your best self. At least, I am definitely not. So normally, I truly do love seeing people succeed. I love seeing people accomplish their goals, kick some butt, do amazing things, impactful things.

And just as a heads-up, I didn’t always use to feel this way. I was pretty cynical in my youth and perhaps not my best self, but I put in a lot of work and continue to put in a lot of work to change that because I didn’t like it. But so now I do love that. I mean, it’s part of why I have a community. It’s part of why I coach. I love cheering others on and seeing them succeed.

So, I know that when I start negatively comparing myself to others, something’s up with me. That’s not my MO. That’s not my usual feelings or my usual headspace, right? If I see someone succeed, my usual headspace is, “Yeah, you know, go person, go editor.”

And if my reaction is, “Ugh, I wish I was there. Ugh, I’m not working hard enough,” or whatever, I know immediately that I’m not in the right headspace. And so the specific thing that triggered this episode was I looked at someone’s Instagram follower account.

It wasn’t even an editor. I don’t even know why I looked at the follower count because I don’t usually look at that. I don’t seek that out. I don’t care because I truly don’t think Instagram follower count means anything. It doesn’t equate to revenue. It doesn’t equate to impact. But for some reason, I looked at this person’s follower count. And my brain just decided to be a total butthead. And so, I was getting all jealous and envious.

I, you know, started doing that, “I should be doing better. Maybe I should be posting more. I’m not doing this right.” I should all over myself. You know, that’s another big sign that something’s not right. So that’s what happened with this episode and what prompted this. And for me, it can be the smallest of things.

It can be by someone I know and love and I’m close to. It can be by a complete stranger. It can be something silly like Instagram followers. It can be something deeper, you know, like, gosh, I don’t want to, I don’t want to do any content warnings in here, but it could just be something more personal.

I’ve had it happen where I was deep in the editing cave, which I love. I love being in the editing cave. But then I took a break, and I saw someone on a beach. You know, they posted a picture of this beach vacation, and I was just like, I’m sitting here at my desk with my hoodie on in my cave, which I love, but I want to be there. Why am I not there? What did I do wrong? How can, you know, blah, blah, blah.

So social media can play a big part in that, but things in, you know, quote, real life, can be icky, too. So for yourself, make sure that you figure out what happens when, I’m kind of jumping ahead, but when you start feeling those things, if there’s something you can do quickly, like get off Instagram, that’s usually a good thing to do.

So going back to this, some of you might have heard this quote before, but it is “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and Teddy Roosevelt said that. And in some ways I agree with him, because you might have caught on to this theme already with headspace, and if you’re not in a good headspace, negatively comparing yourself to others can only rob you of any joy you might have.

It does absolutely nothing positive, no good can come from it, and it truly is the thief of joy. But, because, you know, brains are intricate, and we can feel lots of things at the same time, I also like the quote from James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, and he came out with an amendment to that original quote, and it’s “Comparison is the thief of joy when applied broadly, but the teacher of skills when applied narrowly.”

And I do like that addition at the end, because when we are in a good headspace, it can be helpful to compare ourselves to others, to people we admire and respect, and, you know, it gives us something to aspire to, and it helps us better ourselves.

But the key is being in the right headspace, because comparing yourself to someone else can absolutely backfire if you’re not in the right headspace, if it turns into, you know, you look at someone that you aspire to be like, you know, in a good headspace, you’d be like, “Oh, I love how they do XYZ. I’m going to do this, you know, to improve my skillset in that area so I can be more like them.” 

That’s a good comparison. However, the not-so-good can be “I’ll never be as good as them. They’re so much further ahead than me. I’ll never catch up. I’m not as smart as them. I’ll never be like them.” You know, that’s when the comparison is the thief of joy. So I’m gonna create my own version of this quote. Because, you know, it was done by two men. So let’s have something by a woman, maybe. I’m going to say, “Comparison is the thief of joy when done negatively, but the teacher of skills when applied positively.”

And that all revolves around what I keep talking about with the headspace. Now headspace, just to be clear, it can be about your mental health. It can be whether you’re experiencing burnout or not. There’s lots of different factors that go into what your headspace looks like. And I’m very much simplifying by saying good headspace and bad headspace or not the right headspace. So take that for what it means to you and apply it to what I’m saying.

So when you’re not in a good headspace, that is usually a very good indicator to avoid comparison as much as you can. Now that can look like a lot of different things. Maybe for you, it’s limiting social media. Maybe it’s telling your loved ones and those close to you, like, “hey, not in a good headspace right now.” If I’m snappy or if I act judgy or however you process those comparison feelings, let them know, just give them a heads-up. That can do wonders.

And you can also work on some self-coaching. So when you feel those feelings bubble up, you can work through them on your own to help process them. I’m also going to mention therapy is also fantastic. I’m in therapy. Love my therapist. But I also do a lot of self-coaching and I use something called the TEARA process, T-E-A-R-A. And if you don’t know what that is, check out episode three, way back when on the episode about mindset.

This is the process that I use extensively in my one-on-one coaching, and it’s based in cognitive behavioral therapy. But it helps you flip those negative feelings and it gives you a way to actually process the feelings and emotions so that you can move forward. So when you’re in a good headspace, that’s when you can positively compare yourself to others.

But I will say with caution, because it can be very easy and it can be a very slippery slope to go from “Oh, I admire this person so much” to “Ugh, they’re so far ahead. I’ll never be like them.” Remember that life is not a race. Literally no one wins at life. Like, you might think that, or you might consider, you know, someone is winning at life if they do XYZ, but no one wins the race of life. Like, we all just go on our own journeys. And we cannot compare our journey to someone else’s because each of our journeys is so individual and unique to us. Someone is always going to be ahead of you in your mind, you know, whatever that may be in whatever terms. And someone is always going to be behind you.

And I’m, I’m making quotes with my fingers with “ahead” and “behind.” So someone is always going to be, quote, ahead of you. And someone is always going to be, quote, behind you in whatever term that means for you. It’s not a race. You don’t get a medal at the end. You don’t get a prize.

It’s in the journey, right? And I know that sounds very cliche and, you know, when you’re in it, someone telling you that it’s about the journey could make you, you know, not appreciate it. I’ve totally been there. The takeaway from this is is that you are on your own journey. There is no one that you can compare yourself to because there is no other person like you.

No one else is on the same journey as you. So run or metaphorically run, walk, wheel, pedal your own race and your race alone, and only then will you be able to truly enjoy your journey. And you know what? I said race. Now that I’m saying it out loud, I don’t know about race because race indicates that we’re like, running towards something.

Let’s just go on a journey. Life is a journey, but it is not a race where no one wins. So enjoy your journey and your path and you can aspire to be like others and others can aspire to be like you, but it’s not a competition, right? And I know I’ve said this before in other podcasts, but I really do believe that competition happens at the bottom and community happens at the top. It really does. When we are all in it together, that’s when we succeed. And there is way too much competition, stupid competition in the world today. Let’s not contribute to it. Let’s do our own thing. Let’s walk our own journey or follow our own journey.

And keep in mind that comparison can be beneficial, but it can also not be beneficial. When you’re in your editing journey, be aware of when it can be good for you and when it might not be so good. 

So that’s it. I hope that gives you something to think about. Maybe adds a little twist or different perspective on how to look at comparison. Because I feel like a lot of people just say comparison is the thief of joy and call it a day and never compare yourself. But there’s always two sides to it. And you can compare yourself when you do it thoughtfully and carefully, and it can be helpful. You just have to be careful. 

We all do it. We all compare ourselves. It is totally normal and it is something we can work through. So you’re not bad or different or wrong. You’re human. Congratulations. And your brain is a wonderful, complex thing, and we just have to work with it sometimes. So if you want to hear more about the TEARA process or how I do one-on-one coaching where we talk so much about mindset and thoughts and feelings and emotions, which you might not think about when you think about an editing business, but it’s hugely helpful.

And because we are solopreneurs and because we, many of us, it’s only us in our businesses, if we’re not working at our best, which includes mindset, which includes mental, emotional, physical health, the business is impacted. So I take a very holistic approach when it comes to coaching, and I love the TEARA process for that.

So feel free to DM me over on Instagram at @taramqwhitaker, or you can always send me an email at Hello@TaraWhitaker.com. So I’m trying a new signoff today, and I’d love to hear what you think. So you can again, email me or let me know what you think. Here we go.

Until next time, keep learning, keep growing, and know that you are worth it.

Thank you so much for tuning in to today’s episode. If you enjoy The Modern Editor Podcast, I would be so grateful if you left us a review over on iTunes. And as always, you can head to TaraWhitaker.com to connect with me and stay in touch. We’ll chat again soon.